My little girl is growing up

Well it is official, Sierra is now legal to drive. After 4 hours at the DMV she received her permit. I can not believe that number one I am old enough to have a child that is able to drive and number two said child is old enough to drive.

I remember when she was just a little girl and learning how to ride her bike, I thought to myself one day she will be asking for the keys to the car and that day has actually arrived. My sweet little Sierra has grown up before my eyes it was just a blink I swear. Today was a happy yet sad day all in one. I miss the days when she would sit on the couch and cuddle up next to me and we would read a book or color together, but yet on the other hand I love the fact that she and I are so close. We talk about anything and everything. We have the kind of relationship that I dreamed of having when she was little. I am so lucky that I have such a good kid. I love you Sierra and am so very proud of the young woman you have become. You will always be my little girl.

Just Ranting

I am sure this post will offend some people so consider yourselves warned. Why is it that when a natural disaster happens we all unite to help out those who are in need but we do nothing to help those who are in need here in our own country. In one day the Red Cross raised over 5 million dollars for those in Haiti and that is great but why is it that we can't do that for the homeless here, or for the veterans or some other cause? I just don't understand how we as a nation can give so generously to another country and yet turn our backs on our own. I don't understand how we are so far in debt as a country can give 100 million to another country. It makes me ill to think that we have so many in need here yet we turn our backs on them. I am sure some of you must think I am a cold hearted person because I would rather keep that money here and take care of our own before sending it to another country because I believe our own people need to be taken care first. I am sorry for those who are suffering in Haiti but what about those who are suffering here? I wish the media would focus on America, to show the homeless, the elderly who can't afford their medications, the children whose basic needs are not met because their parents have lost their job or that they don't get to see their parents because they have to work two or three jobs just to make ends meet. The entire situation makes me sick!!

The Proposal I Never Saw Coming

On Saturday I woke up later than normal because JB and I stayed up talking until two in the morning. We eventually got up got something to eat and headed out for another day of exploring the city. JB really wanted to find this old church so we were on a mission, he had an idea as to where it was but we were in no hurry this day, we just took our time and walked hand in hand all day it was romantic to say the least.

He wanted to find this church because he had something in mind for me. We had been walking around for several hours, had lunch and it was getting late,the sun was going to be setting soon so JB took me down this one street where this old church was, he finally had "found" it and I couldn't be happier because to be honest my feet were killing me from all the walking we had done that day. We took some photos of it and then headed back this canal that put the church behind us and the sunset in front of us. We stood there for a few minutes in silence just enjoying the moment then JB said to me "I have a question for you" I looked at him and he had the most sincere look on his face, I had no idea what the question was going to be. He said "Cynthia I was wondering if you would marry me again?" I was in tears because I knew that for the first time in 16 years that this man was really totally in love with me for all the right reasons, and loved me with all my flaws and I was in love with him, we were a real couple who were really in love with one another I know this all sounds so strange but it was so romantic, I did say "Yes" to him by the way. He even had a new ring for me.

Friday in Amsterdam

So Friday I spent the day site seeing and kind of sad because JB was not with me, to experience the sites with me. I went to the Anne Frank House, I didn't think it would be as emotional as it was. I have read the book at least 20 times in my life and to actually be standing there where it all took place was just amazing to me. After spending an hour in the house I went outside and sat on a bench and thought about life and how fortunate I am to be able to do anything I want to do. This was the day that I set new goals for myself and decided to get back into the game called life, don't get me wrong I am not totally out of the woods yet of depression but I am on the road to recovery. I sat and reflected on everything I had done this year and realized I am that strong woman, I can do anything I set my mind to, it just takes hard work and determination and sometimes I just need a little help from my family and friends to push me along and remind me I can do it. I will embrace the journey of life and live each day as though it may be my last because you never know if you have tomorrow. I remembered this saying "Never give up, don't ever give up." so I will not give up, I will get up every day and fight everyday to live.

Amsterdam Day One

Day one was filled with laughter and lots of it. After JB and I checked into our hotel near Dam Square we headed out for the day. We walked the streets of Amsterdam and we managed to find a little coffee shop and we sat down and had tea and hot coco and just talked for hours. We hadn't done that in years no joke. Our lives had gotten so off track as a couple that we had been talking about going our own ways before this trip. We first talked about ground rules, no talking about the kids on this trip. This trip was for us. So when we first got there it was a bit strange to be honest but then we just started to open up to one another we made a list of questions we wanted answers to. That is when the laughter returned to our relationship. We asked the most silly questions, it was kind of like a first date really. For those of you who may not know JB and I have been together since May of 1993 and so in that time we both had changed in many ways and we didn't know one another anymore. We sat in that coffee shop and laughed until it hurt. When we left that coffee shop we left hand in hand. It felt wonderful and I had a smile on my face a real smile. We then headed over to the train station since he had to get a train the next day to Apeldoorn for business. We bought his tickets for the next day and then headed back to the hotel for some dinner and rest. I ordered a bowl of spaghetti and he ordered the chicken parm, neither were very good, to be honest I wasn't all that thrilled with the food over there at all I thought it was rather bland,I expected more flavor.