Thursday, January 6, 2011

Self Image

I hate the way I look. I hate that I workout 3-4 times a week and am still fat. I hate that I had cancer and because of said cancer I do not have a Thyroid and therefor I do not have a metabolism. I hate that I use to be skinny and could wear anything I wanted. I hate that I can no longer find cute clothes. I hate that I hate myself and that I can not accept my body the way it is. I hate that I long to be skinny again. I hate that I miss out on life because I don't want to be seen because I am fat. I hate my picture taken so I do not have many photos of the kids and I. I hate that I put value on my weight and not the person that I am.

4 comments:

  1. Well, I love you, and you are beautiful. I'm so glad you're blogging again. I love hearing your insights on life. Hey, I'm starting a journal this year. In a book...by hand...not typing. I remember you said something a couple years ago about how connected you feel when you pen something out. When you initially said it, I thought, "Well, I type a lot faster than I write, so I'll stick with that." But this year I completely agree with you. I hope you feel better soon. :)

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  2. Christine I am so happy that you are actually writing in a journal and not typing it! That is just awesome..

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  3. Oh Cynthia, this is a tough one. As wives and mothers we work so hard, and still we are hardest on ourselves. I completely understand how you feel. I often feel the same way, and on top of it, hate myself for feeling that way! I do love myself, on the inside. I know I'm a good person, a good wife and a good mother. Why isn't this enough for ourselves?! I try to tell myself that this life is so short and I already spend much of my precious time doing the things I don't want to be doing (like going to work, cleaning the bathroom and dealing with finances) that I shouldn't waste said precious time hating myself for not being skinny. How silly! When I'm dead and gone, no one will remember that I was fat, that I ate too much ice cream or that my thighs used to be long and lean. They'll remember that I loved to laugh, I was a good friend, I cooked some kick-ass meals and I loved my son and family more than anything. Same goes for you. <3

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  4. Dre~ I miss you so damn much!! You are one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out! You are full of life and your laughter is oh so contagious, your smile screams warmth and love and the sparkle in your eyes fabulous. I could go on and on about how much you mean to me and what an amazing person you are.. You have always lived life!! I love you!!

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