Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Blank ~ Just Rambling On and On ~

I don't know what it is but lately I just seem to be in a total funk.... I am tired of how things are in my life and I am working towards making some changes. I mentioned back in January that I was going to work on my list, and I have made great progress on that list, I have completed the Book of Mormon, lost 24 pounds, organized the entire upstairs of my house. When I say organized I mean I went through every closet, cabinet and room and downsized and organized. I no longer have things that I haven't used in years. I even went so far as to toss out entire boxes without even opening them. I figured if I hadn't looked in them for a least 6 months then I didn't need the contents of that box any longer so out it went. But I have noticed even though I have accomplished these things on the list I don't feel any better. It didn't bring any sense of happiness that I lost the weight and am continuing to do so, I don't feel better knowing my house is almost in complete order. I will say that when I completed the Book of Mormon that I felt a sense of peace and accomplishment and was happy for a few days after that but then I went blank, numb so to speak. I just don't know what the deal is.
I put on a happy face for everyone but in reality I am numb inside. I was talking to a old high school friend last night and he use to make me laugh but I didn't see the humor in anything, I played along like all was great but inside nothing.... So tonight when I head to church I will put on the same smile and give a talk about how we will be blessed for our works and then head home and put my son to bed and listen to my daughter tell me all about her night of talking with friends and the latest thing going on and then head to bed where I can hide and I no longer have to pretend..... I hope I can figure this out soon and really be happy again... *sigh*

1 comment:

  1. Cynthia,
    I am so sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I love you and I know you'll pull through this numbness, as you call it. Start praying now that you will receive specific and personal guidance from General Conference next week. I know you will find an answer. It's happened to me several times that I've had a specific question I've needed help with and the right things have been said (or the Spirit helps me to hear things that weren't said, but that I needed). Good luck. I'm praying for you!